lost..
It’s been really long since I wrote something… one of the most stressful phases of my life is now over…don’t know how I survived those few months…. No, it was not the work / study pressure that was painful…rather I was enjoying every moment of it…but the fact that I had none or just 1-2 friends was just hitting my face like a hammer…. Never in my life I had felt so lonely… when I left Kolkata, I knew it was coming…may be that’s why felt that pounding weight in my chest… 
Well its now a thing of the past… was transferred to a different location for further training…had to leave the few people who were my friends back in the base …
Why is it always me who has to leave everyone behind? When ever my life took a turn I had to leave everybody behind…. Everyone else at least have somebody to talk to…When ever I took a detour I found myself talking to myself…again and again… the same thing …same feelings… same darkness all around me …
Well…training is over again… and the funny thing is that I don’t even know what I learnt from that TRAINING 
…. Good for me I 
Again when the time came to move on, everybody got what / where ever they wanted… I again got stuck alone L
Have heard a sentence long back in some movie or some where on the internet… if you really , really want something to be yours, to get that something that you value more than anything that you know of , then the world conspires to unite you with that thing…
I think for others its true.. But for me the opposite is very much true J
Well. what the heck !! Move on , that seems the buzz on the TV these days… yeah..I’ll move on… I know I will… it’s a compulsion.. move on !!
So , how’s my life been for these few days? Well… not quite bad actually.. I have moved out of the hostels… have started living with a couple of colleagues……
Wanted to go out last week… could not find a single soul who was willing to go … everyone is just too busy for me … you know what the funny thing is ? I don’t know what to look for when am on the internet… some friends are leaving Kolkata coz of their jobs.. they are a bit busy to come online.. cant really blame them…its me who’s out of city ..and out of something to do.. 
guess that’s one disadvantage of having a BIG ego… you just get stuck in big black hole… where you can pull in anything..but you just don’t want anything to come in…you just want the right kind of thing to come your way.. even if that means waiting for days … on and on.. On and on… people move… you just keep on waiting….. Like an old tree.. Just like a shadow of your old self… loosing myself in the crowd…. faces , I cant recognise them properly anymore… when will it end?